In advertising, Peyton is king

It begins with a honeydew. That's Peyton: P-E-Y.

You may have noticed that Peyton Manning is in every single commercial. And I love it.

With the fourth quarter winding down, am I concerned about the Colts playing the Titans? No way, I'm waiting for Peyton to tell me that it's OK to switch over to his brother Eli on one of the 527 channels of NFL Sunday Ticket on DirecTV. I'm literally on the edge of my seat, anticipating the next time Peyton decides to invoke his wisdom on football watching America.

The Southern boy from west of the Mississippi has taken over the advertising industry. He gets more face time than Tom Cruise post-Oprah-couch-incident. (Although whatever company makes Oprah's couch may be on to something if they decide to make Peyton a promoter.)

If you're the NFL, who would you want promoting your sport? Heck, if you're anyone, who better than Peyton to hype your product? OK, so, when all else fails, the NFL usually throws Don Cheadle and his no-nonsense Crash gig at the problem. (The NFL made light of their overuse of Cheadle in a recent advertisement, so, yea, they're getting sick of him, too.) Tell me again how far one yard is, Don?

The playoffs are fast approaching, which means the NFL has to strategize, and they need a new hook. When commercials get old, go back to your meat and potatoes -- go back to you bread and butter man -- give me more Manning.

Ford and Chevy, take notice. People are TiVo-ing right through your overplayed, mind-numbing country song ad-vertisements. Jump on the Peyton bandwagon if you ever want to sell a truck anywhere north of Nashville.

In fact, Peyton doesn't even have to do anything; have him stand there with a fake mustache and the audience will crack up. That is, if you like 6-foot-5, 230 pound quarterbacks with a laser, rocket arm.

Sprint, MasterCard, DirecTv, Sony, Reebok, and Gatorade started the trend. And now Peyton mania is everywhere, growing faster than William Shatner's new game show.

ESPN finally caught on to Peyton-mania. Sure, Stewart Scott and Lebron James make a great team in the office cubicle, but they are no match for the Peyton-Eli-Archie trio.

Brotherly love and parenting at its finest: there's Peyton, kicking his brother in the butt while Archie glares, and puts a quick end to the antics.

Even the Barksdale Reading Institute marketed the Manning family with Archie reading his two overgrown mammoths a fairy tale while Peyton and Eli eagerly listen in dressed in their bedtime finest. What better way to get kids to read?

With his laid back mentality and that corny, hillbilly voice, Peyton is the key to advertising success. Note the subtle hilarity of Peyton's interview regarding Mike Vanderjagt: "my idiot kicker just got a little liquored up."

That's narrative gold right there. Peyton has it, others don't.

There are numerous levels of the sports-advertisement personality. You have your superstars like Michael Jordan. "Just wait'll we got our Hanes on you." Yadda, yadda, yadda - it got old.

You have your up-and-coming young studs like Lebron James and the infamous Lebron alter egos. Yea, they've been fun to watch (the old dude is a pimp), but I'll take Peyton's "D-Caf" chant any day. And then you have your classy, limelight guys like Tom Brady.

What do you get when you take a Pro Bowl quarterback, your MasterCard, and five offensive linemen decked out in football gear and put them in a fancy restaurant?

Admirable attempt, Tom, but Peyton's appeal to the common man has you beat. Now, I can't go into a grocery store without slapping the produce man on the back: Nice salad bar, Tommy.

At this rate, Manning could have his own act, or move on to Hollywood.

Peyton, if you read this, do not make the same mistake as Michael Irvin, Dan Marino, and Shannon Sharpe. Stay away from broadcasting and NFL Today. If I have to hear Terry Bradshaw laugh one more time…

Here's an idea: the whole Manning family could start their own standup gig. Peyton and Eli could be like Penn and Teller with Peyton providing the colorful commentary (because all he has to do is open his mouth for people to laugh) and Eli could stand there like a dumb mule (see: Eli making eggs).

Can you imagine Peyton in the movie industry?

Although he could never reach the acting level of sports stars such as Shaq in Kazaam, Peyton would give any motion picture phenomena instant credibility.

All he would have to do is make a three-second appearance like George Clooney in Thin Red Line and box office prices would skyrocket.

Or if he really wants to be ambitious, Peyton could go all sci-fi on us and try something extreme, like winning a Super Bowl. Only in the movies, big guy.