Woe to the short-sighted fool. You say baseball is on the ascent, but fans outside of the New York-Boston bubble are clamoring for balance in baseball. And they're pointing their fingers at you, Mr. Selig.
The answer to baseball's problems isn't eliminating steroids, relocating poor franchises, building new stadiums or putting "Extra Innings" on Comcast.
No, the answer to baseball's problems hasn't been uttered since you proposed your best idea more than six years ago. It's time to bring contraction back from the dead (pause for Donald Fehr to regain his pulse).
We all know the result of the first proposal. The Montreal Expos and Minnesota Twins were destined for the same fate as Enron, but the Players Union balked, the courts got involved and the idea was thrown out.
The Expos are in Washington, the Twins are still in Minnesota and we have half the league peddling in mediocrity.
It has been proven -- and the superpower that is the NFL is enough proof -- that parity among franchises is the key to keeping fan interest.
To the spectators, even problems like steroids, crime and post-career concussions can't mar an NFL image that's currently on par with Mr. Clean.
The formula is simple: Keep the game competitive, and all other problems slowly fade away.
Now we all know the popular ideas for competitive balance that have been hashed and rehashed on Internet message boards. But all of those ideas, like the salary cap, entail spreading the talent and the money around to all of the clubs.
That's fine, but the dilemma here isn't just financial equality. It's the fact that retreads like Rodrigo Lopez are still major leaguers.
There are too many "major leaguers" in the game, and not enough with the talent to call themselves such.
Contraction will not only spread around the talent, but it will eliminate the excess. First, cut out the four franchises with the lowest attendance numbers (Florida, Tampa Bay, Kansas City, Pittsburgh), plus the Washington Nationals because they should have never existed in the first place. Then, take the players from these five squads and put them in a draft for the remaining 25 clubs. The team with the lowest payroll picks first, and those who don't get picked are sh*t-outta-luck.
With five 40-man rosters and their minor-league affiliates completely wiped out, it's "hello parity" and "bye-bye Paul Bako."
After scrolling through more than 1,000 MLB players on ESPN's fantasy baseball page, it occurred to me that some of them should never see the daylight of a 40-man roster, much less the Opening Day squad. Around page 27, names like John Mabry, Tony Armas, and Mark Redman graced my laptop screen, complete with 2006 totals that would make even the biggest optimists crigne.
It's sad, but these are major leaguers. Contraction is here to help.
The competition for spots will be more intense. Fringe players will fight it out down in Triple-A. Young studs won't be rushed to the majors.
And if there are injuries, worthy backups are waiting in the wings. Fifth starters won't be an automatic five earned runs, the 25th spot on the roster won't be a rule V player, and best of all, Sammy Sosa would be back in the Dominican.
Ultimately, contraction will give us something we don't see enough.
It pits the best talent against the best talent, where teams with similar skills go toe-to-toe more than three times a month on FOX.
We can only have so many Yankee-Red Sox series shoved down our throats by ESPN aka YES Network 2. Put more talent in the destitute NL Central.
Sure, Carlos Lee can crank moon shots all day off hanging sliders from Mark Hendrickson.
But what if you got to see Lee foul off four or five Carlos Zambrano fastballs, work the count to 3-2, and then turn on an inside pitch?
And then on the next night, you got to see Lee go against, say, a re-drafted Scott Kazmir?
It makes you kind of want to watch this Astros and Cubs series, doesn't it? When the talent is spread around, the fans are the winners.
My only regret is for the few die-hard fans who stood behind the five franchises that made this contraction proposition possible. Ode to you, my friends, but sacrifices must be made.
Floirda Marlins? I know you've won a pair of championships, but it's easier to get fans in the seats for a water-polo match.
Washington Nationals? The Expos could have moved to Portland, Mexico, or Siberia for all anyone cared.
The Nats are struggling for fans just like they did back in the '60s, yet Bud and Co. thought D.C.'s mentality had changed.
Nice one, Bud.
Now fix your mistake. Cut 'em out, and let John Patterson anchor the Phillies' staff and Ryan Zimmerman sit in the middle of the Brewers' lineup.
Kansas City? Would anyone notice if they never played another game?
Fans will go to Arrowhead, but Kauffman's quieter than a crowd during a Sinbad comedy routine.
Pittsburgh? "We are fam-illl-eee" is but a pipe dream in Steel Town. That new stadium really helped boost attendance…too bad for Jason Bay. He would look good hitting in front of Miguel Tejada in Baltimore.
Tampa Bay? See Kansas City…except without the Arrowhead fans. No, the plan isn't perfect, but even if all of the financial kinks were worked out, MLB would just overlook it like it's a syringe loaded with HGH.
Regardless, we've whined long enough for better alternatives like the salary cap, so it's time to consider Bud's old proposal.
It's the only way to save a dying game.
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