Full disclosure: I have not had the best of luck with electronics. The last gaming system my family owned was a Sega Genesis, my last camera got wet and every picture I attempted after that point looked like it was taken underwater, and my most recent phone, a Verizon number that used to befuddle sales representatives ("Uh, when was this model made? Yeah … no … I don't think we carry this charger anymore.") was dropped countless times on a variety of unforgiving surfaces before finally disappearing one afternoon. In my own house.
No, seriously. And they say "The Borrowers" is a fictional piece. So you might assume I would be the least likely candidate for a BlackBerry, iPhone or any other mobile device in the "smart phone" family. I know I did. The first hurtle was convincing my dad to go for it. I had already tried in the past, and with frighteningly little success.
"A BlackBerry? What do you need a BlackBerry for? Last I checked you're not running any sort of business." He then had an enjoyable moment at the expense of my oldest brother, who in high school campaigned similarly hard for a pager. Pagers. I'm sure you are familiar: friend to doctors, nurses and other such emergency workers. Not as commonly associated with the needs of 17-year-old boys. Once he played the pager card I was sure my cause was lost, but then by some miracle my 21st birthday, the disappearance of my phone, and "upgrade eligibility" all fell within the confines of one perfect storm-esque month.
And so, a couple of weeks ago, I went to the Verizon store to claim my BlackBerry. I was a done deal, but that didn't stop a persistent salesman from putting me through an hour's worth of tricks. "Download videos onto this and you won't know you aren't watching at home (Hmm, that will be nice for traveling); Internet is as fast as your personal computer (Because really, who has time to stand around all day waiting for Google to show its face?); and it can link up to all of your e-mail accounts. Well, up to eight anyway (I would love to meet the person who has more than eight relevant e-mail accounts up and running right now)." Anyway, before long I was walking out of the store with a brand new BlackBerry Tour. I took it home, hurriedly sent my pin along to friends, downloaded Facebook for BlackBerry and anxiously waited for my life to become perfect.
I'll admit it now: I'm in way over my head. The first shock was the sheer quantity of notifications. I'm all for the idea of having the world at one's fingertips, but I'm decidedly less into being awoken at 4:02 in the morning to a buzzing notification that my quasi-acquaintance's friend from home has also commented on a Facebook picture that I wrote "haha" under last fall. Prioritizing has taken on new meaning. In the past I was able to look at a grouping of received texts, decide which person I wanted to reply to first, and act accordingly. Now I feel like my phone is a mini ER, and I am the triage nurse. Though I would love to respond to a text, I feel the pressing need to first attend to a 'BBM' so as to avoid offending a sender who can see I've read it. And while in the midst of a reply BBM, my e-mail often interrupts with an Incident Alert involving three students and an armed gunman just two blocks from my house. And how am I not going to click through to that? It's dizzying, and frankly I'm not quite sure I'm cut out for it. I'm walking around with a phone that is Microsoft Excel compatible, and the last time I spreadsheet-ed anything was in a computer science class freshman year.
And my teacher can tell you how well that went for me. As is often the case, I have to think that the BlackBerry/iPhone obsession is just another example of our generation getting ahead of itself, of wanting to be grown up before we actually, officially are. I won't argue that it's not convenient, but is it necessary?
It may be fitting to conclude with this: Just thirty seconds ago, I swear to you, I had a clever ending to this article. But in the time it took me to look down at my buzzing phone and read a meaningless "Event Invitation" from a Facebook group I didn't know I was a member of, it has been lost on me.
I rest my case.
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