College etiquette: put some pep in your step

Tell me—how many of you are New Yorkers? Because if we're judging by how quickly you walk, I think Loyola needs to re-check its demographics.

Now, though I am most certainly not from New York, I walk pretty fast. Possibly toofast, given how many times I've shown up to my 10 a.m. class out of breath this semester. And I must confess, all of you more leisurely walkers, that—bluntly—you are annoying.

Okay, that was harsh. But the fact remains that, while Loyola is hardly the largest university, the average student is still going to have some trouble getting around now and then. The simple explanation is that there is no unified system for walking across campus. Most of the time, this hardly matters. If you want to stand in the middle of the bridge and stare at the sky at 3 a.m. on a Saturday, go for it. However, if you were to attempt this at 9:20 a.m. on a Tuesday morning when those of us who have 9:25 a.m. classes are thinking we should have left earlier, I will have no qualms trampling you.

Of course I'm kidding about that, but there does need to be a way to control the chaos. Packed hallways, cramped stairwells, crowded sidewalks—just a few quick rules could help us do this a lot more efficiently and considerately.

Drive on the right, walk on the right.

The first rule is simple: stay to the right. The right side of the sidewalk, the bridge, the stairs. I don't know why this one is so hard to master. Being that this is the United States, I don't think this is a rule that's too difficult to remember. (Sorry, international students. Call it part of the learning process.) It does away with that one person who insists upon going down the stairs on the left when I am clearlylate for class.     

Let's expand on this, sticking with the driving analogy. If you're the type of person who likes to take their time getting from point A to point B, well, first, I don't understand you at all, but second and more important, be extra sure you're staying as far to the right as you can. This will allow for a sort of  "passing lane " towards the middle where those who might like to get ahead of you can do so. Because, really, you walk too slow.

Less friendship, more movement

Do you and all five of your roommates have the same morning class? Do you all like to walk over together in one big line, prepare for class and bask in one another's presence? Don't.

Very few civil engineers design sidewalks with the idea of groups walking in one horizontal line Wizard of Oz-style. Even the rather generous sidewalks on the quad will only allow two people in either direction to be walking next to each other. Don't choke the sidewalks with groups of three or more people unless you're going to start skipping and singing for my entertainment.

Don't stop in the middle of the hallway. Seriously.

Ah, the people who stop dead in their tracks in the middle of a busy hallway to have a casual conversation. These are people who belong in a circle of hell that Dante left out. (Most likely he was too blinded with rage to come up with an appropriate punishment.)

This is probably the worst offense of them all. Have you ever seen a trickle of water hit a rock? When it gets there, the water goes around the rock, swelling in that one place, then coming back to its previous shape. That, however, is impossible in a hallway; there's simply nowhere else to go. Foot traffic bottlenecks. People bump into each other. Curses are muttered. And if you're that rock, everyone hates you.

Maybe you ran into your very best friend on the way to Boulder, and you have The Most Important of All Possible News to tell her about what happened Friday night. For the love of Loyola, don't stop in the middle of the hall to have your conversation. It's rude, it frustrates everyone around you, and, let's face it, you're probably not having a life-or-death talk anyway. Take the powwow to the side of the hallway, out of the fracas of people trying to get to class (or, more importantly, lunch).

The majority of you are probably not nearly as analytical (read: neurotic) as I am and have probably never really thought about the way you walk around campus. I'm willing, though, to bet that you've had your fair share of annoyance trying to get to class in the morning. But if we all take a minute to think and follow these three simple rules, we'll all have an easier time of it.