2008 Woodie Awards
That's what she said: Exploring the subtlties of roommates' borrowing etiquette
Courtney Carbone
Issue date: 4/8/08 Section: Opinion
This week's question is, "My roommates use all my stuff and never ask before borrowing things. What can I do to make them stop?"
It's a typical situation: Your roommates eat your food, borrow your clothes and then you find food in your clothes. Or maybe you were craving the last fudgie bar all day only to come home and see its perfect wrapper in the trash. Or maybe you can't find your favorite dress shirt on the day of a big presentation. Worse, maybe you found it wrinkled in the corner of your roommate's room.
Whatever your particular situation, the most constructive way to handle it is to be straight-forward. Ask the offender to be considerate of you and more respectful of your belongings (if you say it exactly like that, though, he'll probably just laugh in your face).
Wait to bring it up until the next time they borrow something without asking so the conversation isn't coming out of nowhere and you can rationally explain what's bothering you. They won't be able to deny your accusations or make excuses if you catch them red- or fudgie-handed.
You don't have to be a jerk to get your point across, either. Just say something like, "Hey, listen, I don't mind sharing my stuff with you, but ask me first so I know where everything is when I need it, okay?"
They will be much less defensive if you aren't attacking them. In fact, they may not have even realized they were doing anything wrong. Chances are, with this approach, they'll think twice before helping themselves to your stuff again.
For no reason in particular, we'll call this approach the "guy" way of dealing with a problem.
Every girl, on the other hand, knows there is always an alternative way to handle any situation. Less than thrilled with the idea of confrontation, many girls traditionally opt for Door #2: The skillful art of passive aggression.
If you don't want to share your food, you can always shop more "strategically." Is your roommate lactose intolerant? Buy milk, cheese, and assorted other dairy products. Roommate on a diet? Look for foods high in carbohydrates, refined sugars and saturated fat content. Obviously, if your roommate is vegetarian, stock up on red meat and other processed proteins.
It's a typical situation: Your roommates eat your food, borrow your clothes and then you find food in your clothes. Or maybe you were craving the last fudgie bar all day only to come home and see its perfect wrapper in the trash. Or maybe you can't find your favorite dress shirt on the day of a big presentation. Worse, maybe you found it wrinkled in the corner of your roommate's room.
Whatever your particular situation, the most constructive way to handle it is to be straight-forward. Ask the offender to be considerate of you and more respectful of your belongings (if you say it exactly like that, though, he'll probably just laugh in your face).
Wait to bring it up until the next time they borrow something without asking so the conversation isn't coming out of nowhere and you can rationally explain what's bothering you. They won't be able to deny your accusations or make excuses if you catch them red- or fudgie-handed.
You don't have to be a jerk to get your point across, either. Just say something like, "Hey, listen, I don't mind sharing my stuff with you, but ask me first so I know where everything is when I need it, okay?"
They will be much less defensive if you aren't attacking them. In fact, they may not have even realized they were doing anything wrong. Chances are, with this approach, they'll think twice before helping themselves to your stuff again.
For no reason in particular, we'll call this approach the "guy" way of dealing with a problem.
Every girl, on the other hand, knows there is always an alternative way to handle any situation. Less than thrilled with the idea of confrontation, many girls traditionally opt for Door #2: The skillful art of passive aggression.
If you don't want to share your food, you can always shop more "strategically." Is your roommate lactose intolerant? Buy milk, cheese, and assorted other dairy products. Roommate on a diet? Look for foods high in carbohydrates, refined sugars and saturated fat content. Obviously, if your roommate is vegetarian, stock up on red meat and other processed proteins.
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